Melon Farmers Original Version




John Thomas The Don Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 27th March 2021

With it's thick prominent veins and wholesome cut foreskin, The Don was inspired by a top Mafia boss' splendid member.

Forged from the finest medical grade; body safe platinum silicone, The Don is a perfect dildo for anal and vaginal penetration.

Possessing gorgeous lines; ridges and a highly muscular shaft, you can use him handheld, with a partner's strap-on harness, or even your favourite fucking machine.

Both Vac-u-lock and O-Ring compatible, The Don can be cleaned in the dishwasher or sterilized completely in boiling water after play. Store in the plush complimentary retail pouch between uses.

See further details at John Thomas Toys



John Thomas Juan's Cock Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 19th March 2021

An obliging boatsman named Juan gave us permission to scan his impressive manhood and forever capture it's glory.

Platinum silicone never looked or felt so good. From the gloriously curved shaft to the highly detailed veins which adorn this masterpiece - Juan is surely a lucky boy. Meaty balls and an exposed glans head complete the look of this wonderful specimen.

Juan's cock is a vac-u-lock and O-Ring compatible dildo which is particularly suited to vaginal penetration. Use handheld, with a harness or connected to a compatible sex machine.

Non-porous and hypoallergenic Juan's cock is great to use and simple to clean.

See further details at John Thomas Toys



Blue Balls XL Fucking Machine...

Sex machine reviews

Link Here 17th March 2021

Thank you for the safe delivery of my Blue Balls XL Fucking Machine . It was very well packed and delivery time was surprisingly quick. The Blue Balls is my second sex machine and the quality to price ratio of the Blue Balls is unbelievable; I've seen machines half as good for two or even three times the price.

The quality of the build is excellent; the frame is very sturdy and beautifully painted in the trademark blue. Assembly is quick and the set up for fucking is easy; I very much like the simplicity of adjusting the angle and height as you can create different positions during a session without losing the moment. The base of the Blue Balls XL is relatively small, this allows the sex machine to sit on a bed, a sofa, a table or wherever you like to screw, with ease.

The motor is quiet but strong and can't be heard in another room, although your squeals of pleasure most certainly will. The fucking ability of the Blue Balls XL will put to shame any partner; the powerful motor will fuck at a speed of 0-160 thrusts per minute and the depth of penetration can be adjusted from 1.5" (4cm) to 6" (15cm). The remote control is efficient and makes the experience very user friendly.

Accessories are plentiful as the Blue Balls XL will accept the Vac-U-Lock system; this makes the fucking machine ideal for all sexualities as you can use the machine with a dildo, artificial life-like cock, anal probe, artificial vagina, anus or mouth.

I couldn't recommend a better sex machine than the Blue Balls XL as it is versatile, excellent value for money and built to a long lasting high quality.

See further details about Blue Balls XL Fucking Machine

See also Blue Balls XL 2.0



John Thomas Sampson Platinum Silicone Squirting Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 14th March 2021

Sampson is an aggressive work of art - boasting a divine fusion of black, pink and gold - lovingly handpoured, platinum silicone which means every sex toy is therefore unique.

This curved muscular dildo with exposed glans is for the serious sex toy enthusiast.

Wonderful at stimulating the G-Spot or prostate, it's special talent is being able to spray warm water into your orifice of choice at just the right moment. Syringe and tubing provided with each toy!

A choice of 4 sizes cater for individual preferences and each product receives a faux velvet bag for convenient storage after use. Clean in the dishwasher or sterilize in boiling water after use.

See further details at John Thomas Toys



Diva Tool Box Lover...

Neat and Discreet

Link Here 10th March 2021

The first thing that will strike the proud buyer of the Diva Tool Box Lover is the neatness of the whole package. Designed to resemble a tool box or a heavy duty equipment case the Diva Tool Box Lover can be stored in full view and no-one would take the slightest notice. The second thing to please the buyer of the Diva Tool Box Lover is the quality of build; the simplicity of its look merged with the robust mechanical system makes this sex machine quite a sexy beast.

There is one feature that The Diva Tool Box Lover has that makes it number one on the shopping list is the ingenious remote control. The patented remote control doubles as a high powered vibrator, this makes the sexual experience as versatile as possible; the user can be fucked by the tool box whilst stimulating other erogenous areas with the dildo headed vibrating remote control.

In addition to the magnificent range of Diva attachments the Diva Tool Box Lover is fully compatible with the awesome Vac-U-Locksystem making the ever increasing range of quality toys fully available to its owner. Whether male, female, gay or bi the Diva Tool Box Lover will pleasure your needs; use with anal probes, realistic cocks, any size dildos or plug on a male masturbator and slip yourself inside. Don't forget the remote control can stimulate you too.

The technical specifications of the Diva Tool Box Lover: Stroke Length of 2.5" - 3.25" (6cm - 8cm), up to 180 strokes per minute and measures 15" (38cm) long, 7.5" (18.5cm) high and 7.5" (18.5cm) wide.



The Spinning Sex Swing...

Sex machine reviews

Link Here 7th March 2021

It cannot be stated enough how important it is to buy a well manufactured high quality swing; the purchase of cheap, weak swings is very dangerous and this is why we only stock swings that are extremely strong and can hold body weight without causing stress to the product.

The Spinning Sex Swing makes it simple to have sex in wonderful and weird sex positions. The swing is very comfortable to use with padding on the parts of the swing that make contact with the body. The swing can be used by one or two persons, so you can both experience a near to weightless fuck; this is a great advantage over bed sex when one partner is bigger than the other. The near to weightless fucking experience is highly erotic as your senses become more connected to your genitalia and this helps achieve some mind-blowing orgasms.

The swing is erotically coloured in black with tiger print and has fur lined stirrups to heighten the sexual experience. We are confident that this product will add another dimension to your sex life and for those that own a sex machine you can go it alone and have an even better sex machine experience.

It is important that you ensure that the swing is fitted correctly and the point of fixing will support the weight of the person or persons using it. Full information is supplied for safe fixing but if any doubt you should ask a contractor to secure the hook.

See further details about The Spinning Sex Swing



John Thomas Bully Boy Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 28th February 2021

Bully Boy's thick girth tapers nicely to the tip and he boasts prominent veins and a wholesome raised foreskin.

This dildo has rapidly been established as a firm favourite amongst John Thomas  customers.

Handcrafted from the finest medical grade platinum silicone, this detailed sex toy is an ideal dildo for anal or vaginal penetration.

Versatility is achieved due it's vacuum hole allowing it to be used with compatible strap on harnesses and vac-u-lock sex machines.

Four handy sizes ensure you can get just the fit you require - just be warned as Bully Boy is sure to want to keep you in every night so he can have his way with you.



Robo Fuk Adjustable Sex Machine...

A review from

Link Here 28th February 2021

The Robo Fuk Adjustable Sex Machine is made by the USA's largest sex toy manufacture and is a highly versatile fucking and sucking sex machine .

Robo Fuk is lightweight and pre-assembled, with a plastic shell and aluminium arm, cutting down on extra weight and making it ideal for travel. This versatile fucking machine comes equipped with an adjustable speed remote, so you get to choose your ideal thrusting level at the turn of a dial. The angle and height of penetration can be quickly adjusted with easy twist knobs located on the frame. There is no complicated set up or confusing parts to deal with. It is practically ready to go straight out of the box!

While the Robo Fuk Adjustable Sex Machine may not be as hardcore as some of our other machines, its compact, lightweight, and versatile design makes it ideal for couples, small spaces, travel, and on the go pleasure! It operates quietly and is ideal for those seeking discretion. The thrusting arm has a curved handle, a perfect grip for a partner to use to angle it into you, or for solo use to brace yourself against. It also comes with 4 suction cup feet which will help anchor it in place on a hard, smooth surface.

The Robo Fuk uses the popular Vac-U-Locksystem which means it's quick and easy to swap attachments and there are endless options to choose from!

See further details about Robo Fuk Adjustable Sex Machine from



John Thomas Godzillaz Platinum Silicone Dildo...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 20th February 2021

Godzillaz is a medical grade platinum silicone dildo, each version of this toy boasts a unique one-off look made from a handpouring fusion technique which is rarely employed and time-consuming.

John Thomas Toys have truly created an innovative and exciting design in this scaled and spikey monster cock with glorious tones of black and red.

Vac-u-lock and O Ring Compatible, these dildos are full of detail and full of character. Choose from the 4 available sizes, then choose your level of firmness.

Godzillaz is designed in the UK and made in the USA.

Clean in the dishwasher or sterilize in boiling water.



Extract: The Opening Of Misty Beethoven...

Gillian Wallace Horvat, the writer-director-star of the dark satire I Blame Society, makes the case that Radley Metzger's 1970s porn classic is the greatest romantic comedy of all time

Link Here17th February 2021
The Opening Of Misty Beethoven is a 1976 US adult film by Radley Metzger (Distribpix / Video-X-Pix)

Writer-director Radley Metzger's The Opening of Misty Beethoven updates George Bernard Shaw's play Pygmalion (which was also adapted into the Broadway musical and movie My Fair Lady ) as a Continental romantic comedy in which eminent sexologist Dr. Seymour Love (Jamie Gillis) wagers that he can transform diamond-in-the-rough working girl Misty Beethoven (Constance Money) into a sophisticated sexual socialite.

Even mainstream critics admired the film and it marked the pinnacle of the Golden Age of Porn, when adult films were given decent budgets, shot on 35 mm (sometimes) and featured talented actors drawn from Off-Broadway theatre. Gillis, like Metzger, attended Columbia University and after graduation became a member of a classical repertory theater in New York City.

The sparkling banter of Misty Beethoven shows off Gillis' erudition and comic timing while also allowing him to display his subtle dramatic range in the final reel. Add to that the versatile 35 mm cinematography of Robert Rochester (aka Paul Glickman, who would later shoot for Larry Cohen), elegant sets built at RKO's 106th Street studios, a kicking soundtrack, and a director at the height of his powers, and you've got yourself a real movie.

...Read the full article from



Sex Machines Blog...

Choosing An Exclusive Sex Machine

Link Here17th February 2021

If you want to spice up your sex life in ways that no human touch could ever do, then you want to explore the world of sex machines. There are exclusive sex machines for every gender, taste, level of experience and BDSM fetish, all here at .

Sex machines are an incredible way to experience the best sexual pleasures and orgasms! Endless fun, without the complications of a relationship, simply long lasting thrills and spills, whether you want to give or receive pure pleasure or pain. There is a machine that will deliver however which way you want it!

At we carry the No.1 selection of exclusive Sex Machines just for our customers, to keep things fresh and spice up their sex life. We have been in business for almost two decades so we know what people expect from such a purchase. Literally a good fuck, but obviously more than that, they want something that is high quality, that will last, that can handle whatever their master demands AND if need be can be packed away discretely. Whatever your sexual preference, our exclusive range of fucking machines will give you the orgasms you've been looking for, over and over again!

A Brief History...

Not so long ago, adult sex products were quite limited and not at all versatile. However, the days of just choosing a straight up and down or side to side thrusting machine has long gone. There are now hundreds of machines, delivering endless sexual possibilities, from standard sex to BDSM and serious fetish fun, all designed for the personal preferences of millions who choose to use them. And our exclusive range of machines are sold nowhere else.

Today, you can find all kinds of sex machines (sometimes also called fucking machines, thrusting machines, love machines, and more). Examples include everything from mechanical dildos to incredibly complex fucking machines that can be operated remotely, from anywhere in the world. Imagine that! Controlling the thrills and spills of someone else, thousands of miles away. Knowing full well they are getting the ride of their life, all thanks to you!

Benefits of an Exclusive Sex Machine...

Simply put, you're here reading this blog because you want an amazing sex life, something different to the norm, something that is no doubt missing in the human department right now. And you've come to the right place. These machines will literally blow your mind - taking your fantasies to the next level. Why? Because...

  • Sex machines last longer than you ever can

  • Sex machines deliver without fail, every time

  • Sex machines never want to please themselves

  • Sex machines have one mission, to service you

If you're looking for a high quality, premium sex machine, then check out our range here.
And if you want a little advise, here are 3 we think are simply perfect. They are exclusive to us , so feel the pleasure and privilege of a machine that is both sought after and exclusive for you.

Carefully Selected For You...

  We have exclusive machines for all tastes and technical sex toys for the beginner (gay or straight) to the most advanced BDSM and fetish performer. All genders, all for your wants and needs. What should you choose? Don't worry, we have picked 3 perfect machines below. We also have industry leading customer support and 20 years experience selling hundreds of thousands of machines to people across the globe. When you buy from us we make a commitment to ensure you get the maximum value from your new purchase, forever!

No.1 - Willie Wanka mk II Fantasy Machine  

The Willie Wanka mk II Fantasy Machine is a superb machine with long reach and tons of torque and power! Even at the lowest speed the MKII remains stable and strong. A must have for any bedroom. It is one of the most popular and best made machines ever. The Willie Wanka® mk II Fantasy Machine is a premium, high quality penetration and / or male masturbation machine. Unlike many machines that are currently available the Willie Wanka has an exceptionally long 8 inch adjustable stroke length, hi-torque and thrust power. It can also be easily stored away neatly for ultimate discretion.

  • Our most popular machine

  • Powerful sex machine with high torque

  • Sleek gloss black design

  • 1 year UK and worldwide warranty

machines blog willie wanka

  No.2 - UFUC PRO V.2  

Design based on the top rated original UFUC Sex Machine, this high quality sex machine can also be used as a male masturbator with optional accessories. The uFUC Pro V2 has a high torque motor which will power heavier dildos with ease. It has customisable thrust depth from 1 to 6 inches and stroke speed up to 160rpm. Enjoy almost any angle imaginable and whatever tyou want to do it won't move unless you want it to. For all those that want the ultimate in discretion, it can also be stored almost completely flat. The uFUC Pro V2 is a wonderfully stable machine thanks to its weight and sturdy steel design. Quiet in use, even at top speed, low maintenance and wonderfully customisable, it is the perfect machine for every level of user.

  • Multi-angled machine operates through 180°

  • High torque motor, great for anal sex

  • Adjustable thrust depth for shallow or deep penetration

  • Fully customisable stroke speed -- sex how you want it!

machines blog ufuc pro

No.3 - Love Rider Sex Machine  

The Love Rider Sex Machine is the most comfortable stimulating ride you will ever have! Just have a seat on the padded thigh rests, position yourself over the dildo, and use your own body movement to control the thrusting speed and depth. Experience the epic orgasms that can only be achieved when you are fully in control of the pace and vigor of the penetration. The Love Rider is a fully assembled machine. All you have to do to get started is attach one of the two included flexible dildos. Then away you go! Enjoy being penetrated by the penis attachment or use the tapered anal probe for some backdoor action. This machine provides the best workout there is. Who needs the gym when you can ride and squat your way to sexual heaven with the Lover Rider.

  • Designed to run using the power of your own body movement

  • Control your own orgasmic destiny with Love Rider®

  • Sex Machine. Get your whole body moving - be in total control

machines blog love rider



Rockin' Chair...

Sex machine reviews

Link Here15th February 2021

The science behind female orgasm has led to the invention of the vibrating chair. The early players in this market have brought expensive products to the market and made it difficult for those on a budget -- the wait is over as affordability coupled with quality has arrived in the form of Pipedream's Rockin' Char. Aimed at the female market and particularly for those who require non-penetrative sensations through the clitoris or anus with or without the need to strip off. If you or your partner would benefit from this kind of thrilling experience then Pipedream's Rockin' Chair is the answer. It has been suggested that the secret behind a prefect female orgasm is the rocking motion combined with non-penetrative stimulation -- the Rockin Chair covers this criteria perfectly.

The Rockin' Chair is made by world renowned sex toy manufacturer Pipedream in its Chinese factory making it available in the UK at .

What's in the box? -- You get the chair with its vibrating inflatable hot seat, a blindfold, body lotion and toy cleaner. There is a handy corded controller and power supply unit, the Rockin' Chair comes in a glossy retail presentation box with instructions and has a 1 year worldwide warranty.

We highly recommend the Rockin' Chair as it is beautifully designed, can be left in a room and passed off as an exercise chair or trendy seat and will deliver powerful stimulation via its electric motor. The Rockin' Chair is primarily designed for solo use but its cunning design allows for a partner to penetrate whilst the chair attends to other erogenous zones.

See further details about the Rockin' Chair from



John Thomas Dick Head Platinum Silicone Stretcher...

Sex Toy Reviews

Link Here 13th February 2021

The Dick Head platinum silicone stretcher is the latest toy in the John Thomas range. If you enjoy a nice full feeling then this is going to be the ultimate toy for you!

The Dick Head has quickly established itself as one our most popular, in an amazingly short space of time. Dick head has a lovely penile head and a foreskin full of ripples, which will feel divine as you take more of the toy deeper inside you.

Dick Head was inspired by another of our toys ‘William’ and is ideal for anal as well as vaginal stretching. Dick Head comes in a fusion colour of green, blue and yellow or an opaque version with beautifully scattered coloured pieces inside.

This fun stretcher comes in 4 sizes, 5 ˝”, 7”, 9” and 12 ˝” but remember to build up slowly and use plenty of lubricant. The question is can you conquer the XL?

See further details at John Thomas Toys  



The Cowgirl Sex Machine...

Sex Machine Reviews

Link Here8th February 2021

We were so excited when asked to review the Cowgirl Sex Machine for the package duly arrived, discrete wrapping and extremely well packed.

Sadly, our excitement didn't last very long. The quality of the Cowgirl Sex Machine didn't match the usual standard of the other sex machines , toys and attachments we have reviewed for Billed as unparalleled luxury and the next generation of riding but we were disappointed as soon as we took our first ride. Perhaps our lack-lustre experience was due to a faulty underpowered machine or from being dropped from a height by the delivery agents. We are inconclusive in our findings and for now must wait for a replacement model before committing to a bad review.

We suggest holding back before buying the Cowgirl Sex Machine. We'll provide our final review when we have tested a replacement machine. It is a great shame because the spec looks fantastic and the build quality looks good, the price is just too high for the savvy customer to take a punt at this juncture.

Please continue to read our reviews and be assured that offer unparalleled service of quality products for reasonable prices.

See further details from



Commando Sex Machine...

Sex machine reviews

Link Here4th February 2021

Another fantastic new machine from the web's leading fucking machine retailer -- the Commando Sex machine is built and designed for the ultimate sexual encounter. Designed for those who want to get down to some serious business, unlike many machines the Commando is not made to look better than it is, it is made to deliver the only objective a good fucking machine needs -- reliable hardcore penetration with a huge range of speeds and power.

Why there is only one retailer for fucking machines -- is a long established UK based retailer with worldwide delivery. When you shop at you will find the site informative, well designed and easy to navigate. When you buy from the United Kingdom you buy with the knowledge that UK businesses are among the most reliable in the world and you remove the risk from buying from less established countries.

Let's now look at the specifications of the Commando Sex Machine: Firstly, out of the box you get the Commando Sex Machine with power pack and lead, followed by a deluxe Vac-U-lock ® adaptor and instruction booklet; all supplied in a glossy presentation box. The total weight of the Commando Sex Machine is 10kg and has full dimensions of 47cm length; 40cm width; 83cm height. It is made from corrosion resistant steel. The colour scheme of the product is army camouflage black / green.

The product is shipped with the correct power for your country with a range of 110v to 240v and 50hz to 60hz. UK customers receive a UK power pack and other countries are suitably supplied the correct power pack. The product is CE certified and ROHS compliant. Designed in the UK and manufactured in China.

The motor is a well manufactured industrial standard motor with specification of 24Volts, 4 Amps and 72 Watts. The power pack ensures the correct voltage will power the fucking machine  without overloading the device. No batteries are required for this machine.

The Commando Sex Machine has a stroke length of 6cm to 17cm and stroke increments up to 240 per minute with a rat-a-tat maximum speed of 300 per minute; the torque is 36in -- lbs and there is an unlimited 360 degree angle of adjustability. There is the option to purchase 20cm or 40cm extension rods. The machine comes with a deluxe hand-held 180cm corded speed controller with a rotating dial.

There are some great optional add-ons which should be investigated they include, 20cm and 40cm extension rods, Fleshlight Holder and Fleshlight Male masturbator, Wizard adaptor, Universal dildo holder, dildo double adaptor, Vac-U-lock ® dildos and a deluxe suction cup dildo holder. All optional extras are keenly priced at

About the Vac-U-Lock® system: prides itself on making all its machines compatible with the Vac-U-lock ® system. There is no better fucking machine attachment than those produced by Vac-U-lock. Using the best materials which are not only durable but they enhance sexual pleasure by making the experience as near to the real sensation as possible. The ever extending range of Vac-U-lock attachments for your fucking machine enables the owner to bring new life to their machine. Talk to the helpful and friendly staff at and they will advise you how to update your current fucking machine to the Vac-U-Lock ® system or provide practical help on anything related to fucking machines and their attachments.

You can telephone the helpful staff at on 0845 299 3928 for any advice, calls answered Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm.

See further details about the Commando from




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